KuyaKevin.com

The latest book winner is Carmel!  She and her husband do full time ministry with International Teams Philippines under Youth Mobilization Ministry.  Visit Up Close and show some love.

Who is the next book winner?  Got a blog?  It could be you--click HERE to join the contest!

I guess Manila will be turning off the lights again tonight. 

Long-time blog readers know my position on this--I'm very skeptical about man-made global warming.  I believe climate change is more likely the result of the earth's natural heating and cooling cycle (just click on the global warming label for more articles). 

If you want to turn off your lights, be my guest.  But I'll keep mine on--I'd rather not trip over something and break my leg.

I ran across a new study about "love at first sight":

With so many women looking for love, you might be shocked how long it takes for men to fall in love at first sight.

Just how long does it take for a man to fall in love?

Scientists timed it out, and many will be surprised at how fast they say it can happen.

A new study found a man can fall in love after gazing at a woman for less than 10 seconds, and that the longer he looks, the more interested he is.

If he's not that attracted, researchers say, he'll drop the gaze in about 4.5 seconds.

The study used hidden cameras, tracked eye movement, and found that it takes just 8.2 seconds for a man to gaze at a woman and fall in love at their very first meeting.

The same study found women were different--attractiveness did not change the length of time they looked at a man.  You can read the whole article HERE.  

My Comments:

Obviously we're talking more about attraction than love.   But I won't argue with the premise of men being visually oriented.  I've written about it before: Adam and Eve, Eyes and Ears.
 

Several people have asked me what I think of long distance relationships, and I’ve been meaning to write about it for quite some time.

First, allow me to give you my definition of a long distance relationship--I want you to know what I’m thinking of when I give advice.

A long distance relationship is a situation in which two people have met in person and decide to establish or continue a romantic relationship while living far away from each other.

I’m not talking about “falling in love” with someone you’ve never met in person (I dealt with that in another article). I’m also not referring to a husband and wife who have no choice but to temporarily separate (military duty, for example—though some of what I’m about to say still applies). I’m primarily referring to singles that choose long distance.

Does the Bible have anything to say about this? Not directly, but a verse in Proverbs gives us food for thought:

Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father,
   and do not go to your brother's house when disaster strikes you—
   better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away.
   -Proverbs 27:10 (emphasis mine)

There were no ATM’s or wire transfers in ancient times. A brother living far away couldn’t do much to help you if you were in trouble.

Things have changed, but there’s still a principle to consider: there are some benefits that only come with living in close proximity.

Something is missing when you can’t look someone in the eye, have lunch with her, hold her hand and spend time with her on a regular basis. There are major limitations to intimacy and growth. Distance will always hinder the relationship, and the love will grow cold.

Here’s my conclusion: long distance relationships only work temporarily.

I’ll give you an analogy: the pause button.


Imagine you are watching or listening to your favorite media file. Something comes up and you decide to pause it. You’re probably not going to leave it paused for several days—doing so is a waste of time and electricity. You’ll eventually turn of the player, finish the file, or switch to something else.

In much the same way, separation is a “pause” in a relationship. You may be able to endure it for some time, but not forever. The longer the separation, the less likely you are to keep the relationship.

I’ll give you a couple of real-life scenarios:

*A young man once told me of a girl he met at a conference. But there was a problem: you guessed it—she lived in another part of the country. “If you really like her,” I said, “pray that the two of you can find a way to live in the same town. But don’t think you can have a relationship with her if she’s in another part of the country.”

*Another young man emailed me, telling me the girl he loved was moving away. They promised to wait for each other, but would be separated for four years. I told him it was just not a very realistic.

Now let me give you the worst case scenario:

Long distance relationships are a complete nightmare when there is no clear direction and no specific plan/date for getting back together.

Another young man emailed me with his dilemma. He had a long-term relationship before moving to another country. He and his girlfriend did not end the relationship, even though he apparently had no clear plan of returning. He eventually found himself falling for someone else in the country where he lived.

Here’s part of my (email) response to him:

Here's the first problem--it seems you don't have a definite plan with the girlfriend. Long distance relationships can only work temporarily. Leaving the country without a definite plan for the relationship wasn't too wise. You need to do something--either marry her or let her go . . .

Now, on to the next issue. I'm not surprised you've fallen for someone else--our affection is likely to go towards women who we can actually spend time with . . .

This was a really unfortunate situation—many years wasted by both the guy and the girl.

Here’s a Summary:
*A relationship is severely limited when you are separated and can’t see each other often.
*Generally speaking, long distance relationships can be sustained only temporarily.
*The longer you are going to be apart, the less likely you are to have a good outcome.

Please consider my advice. I’m not telling you to give up a relationship over a short period of separation.  I'm not even going to tell you what qualifies as "temporary"--many factors could influence the length of time you could sustain an LDR (amount of communication, etc).  But I want you to think carefully before investing a great deal of time and emotion into a long distance relationship.

According to the National Center for Health Statistics, 40% of America's babies are now born to unwed mothers.  Teen pregnancy also rose 4% between 2005-2007 (after a decline from 1991-2005).



Related Posts:

Study: One in Four American Teenage Girls has STD


Learning the Hard Way:  Pregnant and Abandoned

In this episode:
*Is kissing crossing the line of purity?
*What does "waiting" really mean?
*My one-question interview with the band Delirious!

Just visit our PODCAST PAGE to download (or look up Basta LoveLife in iTunes).

LJ Salceda invited me to join the press in the pre-concert interview with Delirious.   She's already helped me meet the President, and now this--cool!
 

Technically I was just there as a guest, but I was allowed to ask a question after all the others were finished.  It will be featured on tonight's podcast episode.


Here I am with the real (non-amateur) media folks (from the Edge Radio, DZAS, etc).


The concert was just awesome!  I'm glad I didn't miss their farewell tour. 

I'll be interviewed on DZAS, the Pinoy Espesyal show (11:00 am). 

Lisa of the Christian Single Woman did an online (email) interview with me.  You can read it HERE.

This viral video just cracks me up.

Maybe I should write a Two Months of Tagalog love song.  It would go something like:

Mahal kita, nasaan ba ang CR? 

Translation: I love you, where's the bathroom?

Over the past few years I've seen high-profile cases of young women selling their virginity online.  If I understand it correctly, one such woman actually auctioned hers on ebay.  Such news is enough to make talk show audiences gasp in horror.  We've reached new lows--as the Bible says, we invents ways of doing evil (Romans 1:30). 

But here's the real, tragic irony in all of this:

There are a few publicized cases of "virginity for sale"--but we have a whole generation throwing their virginity away!  
  
Sell it and make headline news.  Throw it away and you won't even raise eyebrows.

Think about it. 

Related Post:

The Once in a Lifetime Gift

A few announcements about the book, etc (the second printing of Basta LoveLife is here). 

Earlier this week I received news of a missionary who passed away.  Dr. Posey was a friend of my family.  He grew up in my home town and faithfully served the Lord here in the Philippines: 

Dr. Jesse Earl Posey, age 81. Raised in Pinson, AL, current resident of Mobile, AL died Monday, March 9, 2009 at the family residence after a long complicated illness and finally Liver Cancer. Dr. Posey and his wife Mamie Lou served 33 years with the International Mission Board SBC, in the Philippines.

This week's episode:
"My boyfriend gave me his email and friendster password. Should I snoop around"
"My friends won't listen to me whenever I talk to them about purity."
"My boyfriend is struggling with lust . . . should he be telling me this?"

Just visit the podcast page (http://kuyakevin.libsyn.com) to download. 

Reminder:  You can also subscribe on iTunes.  Just look up Basta LoveLife in the iTunes store.  It will look like this:

I'm going to start something new here on my blog: Music Mondays.  I'll feature some of my favorite musicians or songs (this will not be a weekly thing so much as something I'll do when the mood hits).

Today's musician is Vienna Teng.  I don't remember how I first learned of her--I've never once heard her on the radio.  She's doesn't produce the typical, commercialized stuff.  Her music, lyrics, and voice are just incredible.   Here's a sample:  Eric's Song from her Waking Hour album (it's a little dizzying until the video camera is set on the tripod).  





NOTE:
I have no idea where she is on spiritual issues (she has one song called The Athiest Christmas Carol).   This post is just to express appreciation for her music.  

I've already posted about my desire to write a second book.  Remember, I'll need your help in order to write it.  If you'd like to contribute a Learning the Hard Way story, please let me know.  If you have a friend that has learned the hard way, please tell him/her about my project.

Erwin and I decided to elaborate further on the book/movie He's Just Not That Into You. 

Just visit the Podcast Page to download:
http://kuyakevin.libsyn.com

Here's the interview I did a few months back at the Edge Christian Radio.


It's kind of long--about 25 minutes.