Undressed: The Naked Truth About Love, Sex, and Dating (Review)

I’ve just finished reading another great book: Undressed: The Naked Truth about Love, Sex, and Datingby Jason Illian.  Great book!

Here are a few things I loved about this book:

Biblical
Of course I would not like a book if it wasn’t based on the truths of Scripture. Illian did a great job of explaining the biblical principles of purity and wisdom (kind of like the two commandments).

Funny
I love this author’s (sometimes irreverent) sense of humor.  This book is hilarious--made me laugh out loud a few times (the folks at Starbucks probably thought I had one too many refills). It made for a fast-paced, enjoyable read.

Practical
Some Christian relationship books just go way overboard into legalism, over-spiritualizing, ect. Not this one: I saw a lot of very practical advice on how to go about dating in a godly way—very balanced.

Relevant
This author is not some guy who got married at 18. He wrote this when he was in his late twenties and had been through some serious “stuff” (including breaking up with a girl he was engaged to). This was refreshing—hearing from someone who was still out there in the “trenches” of single life.  

Thoughtful
Illian challenged some the popular notions that get passed around in churches. Here are just a few:

Group Dating: Highly overrated. It keeps the guy and girl from really getting to know each other, and puts the guy in a passive mode (not having to take responsibility for planning the date).

“Dating” vs “Courtship”: “Dating” is actually a better term because it lowers our expectations. In other words, there’s less pressure to immediately decide if he/she is “the one” (I’ll talk about this again when I deal with cultural issues).

Meeting Your Spouse in Church: “We put an unfair burden on the church when we expect it to fulfill the romantic holes in our lives,” he argues. He makes a great point here—we Christians should not limit the ways/places God could use to help us find a spouse.

A Few of my Highlighted Quotes:

“Being single is not a disease and marriage certainly isn’t the cure.”

“We must learn to be thoughtfully vulnerable, not recklessly available in our dating relationships.”

“We often hear stories from well-meaning pastors and church leaders about how they met their spouses at church, but this isn’t how it normally works.”

“There is a dangerous and erroneous thought circling in some Christian groups that God will miraculously drop the love of your life from heaven, gift-wrapped and marriage-ready.”

“Despite what many of us have been taught, romantic relationships don’t just happen to us. There is something for you to do and there is something for God to do.”

“If you’ll keep your clothes on, you’ll get to see if he really wants to put a ring on.”

“The best way to extinguish a burning relationship is to have sex. Once a man knows he can have sex without any responsibilities, why would he ever commit to a long-term relationship?”

Disagreements:

I disagreed with this author on a couple of points. First, he tended to characterize those who marry after only a year of dating as “impatient.” I understand his point, but I’ve also seen the other side: problems caused by couples spending years in a relationship with no clear direction (in fairness to the author, he does urge readers to be intentional in their dating).

I also didn’t like his response to a young (virgin) woman who wanted to marry a virgin man (in Chapter 10, where he responds to reader emails). I think he kind of dismissed her dream, and I don't agree with some of the logic he used.

But I nodded in agreement on everything else (99.9% of the book)--so many great points, lessons, and analogies.  

Cultural Issues:

There are a couple of cultural issues I’d like to address for my kababayan (Filipino countrymen).

First and foremost, there’s the whole courtship thing. Filipinos are a little more formal in their approach to romance, so they may have some problems relating to what Illian says about “dating” vs “courtship.” Don’t get too caught up in terms—instead, think about the principles.

Next, there’s the idea of “flirting.” Illian argues that flirting can be a good thing, but he is referring to innocent gestures a girl may use to show she’s interested. But Filipinos tend to associate the word “flirt” with the word “malandi” (which would translate “easy” or “slutty”). A Filipino would need to keep this in mind—the word “flirt” doesn’t always mean the same thing to an American.

Finally, there are several American pop culture references in the book that some Filipinos may not quite get. 

Conclusion:
I wish I had known about this book when I wrote my Top Five Christian Books on Dating/Relationships.  It would have easily made the list (which means I may just change it).  Two thumbs up!

Here's the Amazon.com link. I've seen the book here in Manila at National Book Stores.