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Let’s imagine this scene:

I’ve met someone who recently began following Jesus. He wants to learn biblical principles for dating/relationships. He is about to go off on vacation, and has space in his suitcase for five books. Only five. Below are the books I would choose, based on the following criteria:

1. Authors who write from a Christian worldview.
2. A strong message of purity.
3. A unique contribution to the subject.
4. A balanced, scriptural perspective.

Here’s my list . . .

#5 Personality Plus: How to Understand Others by Understanding Yourself (Littauer)

Florence Littauer discusses the four basic personality types: the strengths, weaknesses, and tendencies of each temperament. Personality Plus is not a dating book per se, but it will help you understand people (including yourself).

Amazon.com: Personality Plus: How to Understand Others by Understanding Yourself

#4 The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate (Chapman)

According to Gary Chapman, there are five basic ways to express love and affection. Each of us has a favorite—a preferred “love language.” Understanding this leads to continued emotional fulfillment in relationships. This book was written with married couples in mind, but I recommend it for anyone. Chapman has since written several versions of this book (The Five Love Languages of Children, etc). I’m just waiting for him to write a “Love Language for Pets” book. All joking aside, the original is well worth reading. The “sequels” might also be worth reading, but I would go with the original first.

Amazon.com: The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate


#3 The Challenge of the Disciplined Life: Christian Reflections on Money, Sex, and Power (Foster)

Richard J Foster (author of Celebration of Discipline) reflects on three of the most difficult issues of the Christian life.

Once again I’ve included a book that isn’t specifically about dating. Why? Well, the section on human sexuality is one of the best I’ve ever read (maybe the best). The chapter titles are Sexuality and Spirituality, Sexuality and Singleness, Sexuality and Marriage, and The Vow of Fidelity. This book is deep—one of those you’ll go back to again and again.

Amazon.com: The Challenge of the Disciplined Life: Christian Reflections on Money, Sex, and Power

#2 Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart (Ensor)

What does it mean to be a godly man or woman? How did God intend for us to compliment each other? What does this “look” like when it happens? John Ensor gets to “heart of manhood and womanhood according to the Bible." This book inspired one of my previous posts (see The Power of a Modest Woman). A lot of wonderful insights packed into 160 pages.

Amazon.com: Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart

#1 Holding Hands, Holding Hearts: Recovering a Biblical View of Christian Dating (Phillips)

The following quotes kind of summarize the authors’ approach to this book:

“What does the Bible say about dating? Nothing. And everything! Our challenge is to think biblically about an activity that isn’t in the Bible.”

“Even if dating is a worldly notion with which some Christians will be uncomfortable, it is nonetheless something that most of us can’t simply kiss goodbye.”

Like it or not, dating is here to stay. It is the way that most of us will find our future mate. Christians, therefore, must take biblical principles and apply them to our modern system of dating/courtship. Authors Richard and Sharon Phillips take a unique approach in this book—working backwards. They start with the world’s first marriage—God’s ideal pattern. Then they take readers through the process of getting to that goal. If I had to choose just one book on dating/relationships, this would be it.

Amazon.com: Holding Hands, Holding Hearts: Recovering a Biblical View of Christian Dating

Note to my kababayan (Filipino countrymen):

I haven’t included my own book (Basta LoveLife: Making Wise Relationship Decisions), but I’d like to think it would rank high among Filipinos.

Since compiling this list I've had the opportunity to read Jason Illian's Undressed: The Naked Truth about Love, Sex and Dating. I definitely would have included his book had I known about it at the time.


I'm not sure if my top two are available here in the Philippines. Books #5-#3 are.